For hundreds of years men and women have celebrated their unions with commitment and marriage, only to have those promises eventually shattered by a partner's cheating ways. It can happen shortly after the honeymoon, or well into the child rearing years, but either way, it can deal a devastating blow to any intimate relationship. Many questions arise after an exposed betrayal - but the most prominent can be - why did this happen and where do we go from here? This is where the differences between men and women become less subtle and a little more predictable.
When a man has sex with a partner other than his own, he will justify his actions as a reflex or a physical release of tension - "It didn't mean a thing, its you that I love" or "I had too much to drink and she was throwing herself at me." This is because men tend to view love and sex as two separate issues - the first is long term, whereas the latter is only a momentary , if not accidental, diversion.
The affair is usually not meant to last or replace anything existing in his life. It was simply bad judgment and another stroke to his male ego. Women on the other hand, view love and sex as a package deal - each intricately entwined with the other, thus, bringing her emotions into an already steamy picture. "If you had listened to me or showed me more attention, I wouldn't have been so drawn in by his affection." Women also tend to give a little more thought to the future of an affair, weighing the pros and cons of both "relationships" with her heart.
Sometimes the consequences of an affair can be less about the actual relationship being betrayed and more about one's impressionable upbringing. Was there respect between mom and dad, or was there always a lingering sense of regret and blame? Self esteem issues develop early, sometimes creating the need to feel anything besides insecurity. Children watch and learn how to interact with the opposite sex via their role models. If dad disrespected mom, ran around with other women and always came home drunk, a son will probably find himself wearing those same shoes. If mom strayed herself or simply accepted dad's infidelities, then a daughter will probably repeat the pattern herself.
The reasons behind affairs can be quite numerous and complicated - Although it does seem that a man's affair is more acceptable to society because of their lack of emotional expression. After all, boys are raised to be strong and stoic - The hunters in our society. If a hunter gets side tracked and arrives days later with provisions, it will be okay, because he has still provided for his family. For women its much more difficult due to her role in creating and grounding the family home. Girls are raised to be supportive, sympathetic creatures - The nurturer for the hunter. If the nurturer gets side tracked and returns days later - the family has been without all support and direction. This could very well be devastating to the clan.
It could seem that men of generations past have gotten preferential treatment when it comes to infidelity. Yet the fact still remains that females have probably enabled them. Perhaps subconsciously. By having been historically been prepared early in life to be more flexible and forgiving in all their relationships - men would have had the upper hand. Its only become more common, recently, to find many independent women who wouldn't dream of accepting such behavior from their counterparts. So it would seem, that the outcome after betrayal still vary, based on gender, at such a primitive, basic level.
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